march 2nd, 2002 / 12:33 a.m.

by pulling you closer i feel as though i might also be pushing you away. by opening my heart, i'm closing yours. i'm sorry for all the things i say and feel. i promise in time it will all change. and i won't worry about things that are seemingly non-existant but in my mind they are more existant than i wish them to be. scared isn't the word. terrified is. terrified of being in love. of being so out of control that murphys law seems tame.

i didn't say i didn't like it.

i'm just scared. scared that i'll lose the one thing that means more to me in life, than life means to me. and it's a funny thing how one minute life isn't worth living then the next it would be unbearable to not be living.

i didn't say it would be easy. but i promise it will be worth it.

in due time all of this will be gone. all my worries and all my fears and all the things that make me as human as i am. i promise you i'll never make you feel what i sometimes fear. and what i fear no one should ever feel.

i never said i didn't like it. but i promise i'll make it worth it.

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